Breaking the cycle of loneliness, one smile at a time

Author and certified counsellor, Patricia Morgan, says, “Smiling is like air-conditioning to your brain. If we don’t create our own joy, it does not necessarily come to us. So, smile.” 

Morgan has a master’s degree in clinical psychology and has worked with people for some 37 years. She was invited to speak to local seniors at the Legacy Centre on the occasion of National Seniors Day. 

She points to research that places youth 18-22 years as the leading demographic of people feeling lonely. This is followed by moms with young kids and then seniors. 

“Loneliness is an epidemic that can create emotional and even physical challenges.” 

She says people who are not making necessary connections may experience heart problems, strokes, increased risk of dementia, depression and anxiety among other issues. 

She stresses the need to make connections. 

“Hurt people, hurt people. I believe the biggest gift we can do for ourselves is to get ourselves as healthy as we can.” 

Turning to young people growing up with the ongoing use of electronic devices, Morgan sees how this affects their social skills. 

“Rather than being able to make eye-contact, or to say I’m interested in who you are. They have lost that capacity and so, loneliness often kicks in.” 

The next group – mothers with small kids, who choose to stay at home need to be wary of becoming isolated. 

“It stunts me in this day and age, that mothers with young kids, say I don’t work. You are doing the important work of raising the next generation,” says Morgan. 

For seniors she encourages choosing flourishing rather than deteriorating. Have a few confidants if you can. 

“People that you feel so comfortable with that not only can you laugh with them or at yourself of how you spent the afternoon looking for your glasses and they were on your head. And that you can also have a good cry with.” 

She says she’s not a fan of “age is just a number.” She encourages honesty about the differences that comes with age. 

“You’re going to visit more of your friends and family in the hospital. You’re going to lose parents. Siblings. Pets.” In acknowledging this grief, she says you need a place that’s safe to have a good cry, and not have somebody say, “Oh cheer up.”” 

A second tip is having a sense of belonging where you can be yourself, and “if you are surrounded by toxic people, create a family of your own.” 

“So many polder people are longing to be acknowledged. I have troops of older people that just appreciate a phone call, or how about you come over and we can sit in the garden,” says Morgan. 

A third tip is having a sense of community, by getting out and commending “families in your neighbourhood.” 

Turning to teens who may feel shy and unsure about making friends she plugs some of her video material on her Youtube channel where she encourages resiliency by being the first to say, “Hi.” 

Morgan has won the 2024 award from the Canadian Counselling and Psychotherapy Association for her book, Return to Center: Simple Strategies to Navigate Distress, Depression and Disconnection. The book uses down-to-earth language to explain the Polyvagal Theory that deals with the nerve that connects the brain to the heart, and its related effects on our health and behaviour.