Everybody needs somebody to lean on, opines the Traveling Wilburys in the song Handle With Care.
But knowing how to help someone when they reach out is a part of that selfcare piece as we support someone through tough times.
Marcus Cheung with the Calgary Counselling Centre says when we are going through really tough times, the element of social support is important.
“Do we have anybody around us that can share our pain and grief during a time that we struggle.”
On the issue where people feel isolated, the manager of counselling initiatives with the Calgary Counselling Centre adds people say they have a hard time finding someone to talk to.
“We recommend staying connected with people as humans don’t exist in isolation.”
Even if its to go to the coffee shop and sit with whomever is there. Then there is the matter of trust to determine who you can confide in.
Cheung says perhaps people are just looking for someone to be there with them and hear them out.
“Are you looking for support, resolution, someone to listen to you?”
It can be all of those things that a person requires as they seek a friend’s support. This means the person providing the support should be self-aware of what they can provide to help their friend.
“Being a supportive friend might simply mean that person is being present, listening and showing that you care.”
Then Cheung says you need to be able to practise active listening.
“Being able to listen without any feelings of judgement or interruption. Listening, validating what the person is saying. And sometimes this validation goes a long way.”
The last quality is to avoid offering a a quick fix or resolution as you listen without judging.
“It is very natural for us to want to help our friend but avoid jumping straight to solutions. Just be there and hear what the person actually wants. That goes a long way,” says Cheung.
Listening, validating and suggesting a direction to take to get the help that they need is the way to go. When you resist the urge to be prescribe a solution you may notice how the person can be resilient.
“A person may look like they are drowning. But, perhaps if you slow it down, observe the water, you may recognize that person’s feet may actually touch the bottom.”
Finally, when people reach out for help are they looking for resolution or for someone to listen and understand to them, and before we offer help, Cheung advises to “make sure that we are okay.”
More support is available online or in person via Counselling Alberta and the Calgary Counselling Centre.
In Lloydminster, mental health resources are available also online and in-person.
