With June being Men’s Health Month, the spotlight shifts to men’s mental health and counsellors are urging men to see strength as knowing when to ask for help.
“We are trying to reframe the conversation for men and asking people to reconsider what is actually strength,” says Marcus Cheung, manager of counselling initiatives with the Calgary Counselling Centre.
Cheung reflects whether “keeping things under the rug or in silence” is a sign of strength or is having the courage to be vulnerable by having conversation, a deeper sign of real grit.
Breaking down the stigma
The counsellor says compared to women; men are less likely to seek help whether it’s seeing the doctor or a mental health professional.
“There’s is the notion that when men are struggling, they’re not speaking out loud about the current struggles and they tend to suffer in isolation.”
When it comes to breaking down the stigma, Cheung feels “we have come a long way, by encouraging men to have the conversation with a counsellor.” However, counsellors recognize there is an issue when it comes to men talking about their struggles.
“I think there is this idea around masculinity that really stands in the way. There are different social expectations that are placed upon men, when it comes to what to do and resolving problems in a certain way.”
Signs and symptoms: Becoming self-aware
Men’s mental health challenges may come out as anger, irritability, withdrawal, fatigue, substance use, and other signs rather than openly being sad.
“Do we want men to suppress their feelings or do we want them to be more self-aware,” says Cheung.
The counsellor sees reframing the conversation as a strategy to help men understand what they are going through. Also, people want to get better.
“People have a genuine desire to get better. This is where we start the conversation by saying, for example, you have a lot of potential to be a better father, or son, or husband,” says Cheung. “The question is what does better look like?”
Healing begins with conversation
Cheung asks does better mean keeping things to yourself or having a conversation.
“Does better mean taking up the courage to tell your partner something that you feel afraid or worried about? So, that’s how we define male strength. This is the starting point of a conversation.”
Cheung says people want to do better, and the step is being self-aware.
“You can’t fix a problem, and I use the word fix as that’s a word that men can identify with; I have to fix this. In order to fix the problem, you have to become self-aware.”
Moving forward
Seeking counselling and having the conversation is the first step in the process even though there may not be an immediate solution, notes the mental health professional.
“We find that once people sit down with a counsellor – by having a really genuine and warm conversation, it can be very healing,” says Cheung. “Simply being seen and understood. Being heard. Being validated. When they find a counsellor who truly understands them, and what they are going through, that notion of being understood is the starting point for healing.”
Cheung adds the counsellor can help you to understand what the cause of your pain is.
More resources
Cheung says while the first session may have some uncertainty for men, he encourages everyone as “there is never a wrong time to seek help.”
“It’s the first step to opening up yourself.”
More help is available online or in person via Counselling Alberta and the Calgary Counselling Centre.
In Lloydminster, there is also support available online and in-person. Walk-in support is also available at Pathways to Wellness.
