The rock song calls it a stiff upper lip. Simply hanging tough or toughing it out has been the catch phrase that defines a hardworking generation but ignores the mental health stress which a younger generation has found the language to identify the strain of their parents and their own upbringing.
The statement, “I’ve driven my tractor like this for 40 years,” also describes that hard work reaps rewards, while ignoring the mental anguish which may lie underneath the surface impacting the children who witnessed it.
Manager of counselling initiatives with Calgary Counselling Centre, Marcus Cheung sees intergenerational and cultural issues impacting mental health.
“These beliefs sometimes influence the way we respond to challenges in our lives,” says Cheung.
“Don’t complain. Work hard, or handle it yourself” are messages that fly in the face of acknowledging there is a mental health issue.
“Compare perhaps, the older populations to our younger populations, where perhaps, traditionally our older populations hold some of those traditional beliefs about mental health. Mental health is not even talked about. Or not mentioned,” says Cheung. “Versus our younger generation, where this is a more common topic.”
Cheung surmises that young people tend to be more open about mental health conversations than older generations. Also, there is the issue of the language and words to describe and identify what someone is going through.
“Sometimes they might lack the vocabulary, even the verbal fluency to talk about how they feel.”
Cheung notes it is difficult for these two age groups to come together and look at the same mental health issues.
Having the conversation – having the patience
The counsellor sees younger people wanting to share with their parents or grandparents even, but the senior family members “may not understand where they are coming from.”
“I think it does take a lot of patience to try to explain themselves,” says Cheung. “And give the other person the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps they grew up in a different generation, and they may not have the knowledge or willingness to talk about this.”
Cheung sees perseverance in explaining and using language that each person understands. Also, families are ruled by different traditional beliefs.
“It’s normal for people to have these types of difficulties.”
However, Cheung encourages that while you have patience, don’t stop sharing what is on your mind.
“Don’t stop talking to others about what’s really worrying and concerning you. I think that’s the skill in between – you keep doing what you’re doing and don’t give up.”
Cheung admits that one of the challenges is that older generations coped with mental health issues in silence.
“They often suffer in solitude. Or they suffer in ways that are not obviously seen by others. Oftentimes it’s useful for the younger generation to reach out and check in with the older folks as well,” says Cheung. “I think it’s a reciprocal process. Ask them, “how they are doing.”
Access to resources
The counsellor suggests that the young person could use themselves as an example by going to counselling and getting the help that they need and then sharing the benefit with their family. Cheung says to share how you have found ways to navigate your challenges.
“You come back to the family being a slightly different person. I am sure that those changes will be witnessed and seen by others,” says Cheung. “This is how we use ourselves as an example to model help-seeking. That mental health is normal. Everybody has it and we all have tough times. And it’s okay to talk.”
Seeking help
More help is available online or in person via Counselling Alberta and the Calgary Counselling Centre.
In Lloydminster, there is also support available online and in-person. Walk-in support is also available at Pathways to Wellness.
